This will sound like bragging but it is simply the truth. Before I was pregnant, I never had a problem finding clothes that fit me. My shape had essentially stayed the same since high school up until pregnancy. I knew what styles flattered me and clothing shopping was quite easy. For years I tried to put a few pounds on to look a little less scrawny but my metabolism remained in overdrive, efficiently burning calories. Then I turned thirty. The extra helpings of desserts and the afternoon snacks at the vending machine began to hug my hips with everlasting love. I didn’t take too much notice because I still fit in my clothes just fine.
I could not ignore the extra weight gain after the sixth month into my pregnancy. This was more than just baby weight. My baby made me crave ice cream like never before. The consistent volume of a few half gallons I was ingesting weekly started to accumulate everywhere on my body. I was jolted into reality when the doctor started to express concern for my rapid weight gain. One even told me outright that I wasn’t going to be happy with how I looked after my baby was born. Sure enough, she was right.
Unfortunately, I was not one of those women who have a baby and then within a few weeks get the pre-pregnancy body back. I was surprised to find that I had to wear two sizes larger than before baby. I know that doesn’t seem like a lot but that equated to about twenty pounds extra. For someone who couldn't even gain two pounds when trying, this was astounding. I thought surely after six months I’d start to slim down. I waited expectantly but the number on the scale didn’t budge.
Depression hovered over me so I tried to look at the positive side of the situation. My new size demanded a new wardrobe but when I got to the store and tried clothes on, my positive attitude went out the door quicker than cashmere cardigans on clearance at TJ Maxx. Absolutely everything I tried on didn’t fit. I was so used to everything fitting and looking nice and here I was finding nothing that fit correctly. Those full length mirrors were no help either. They revealed a view I found quite repulsive. My former six pack abs looked more like the Michelin tire man’s and my thighs revealed icky caches of lumpy cellulite. My body had begun to transform into looking like my grandmother’s!
The most frustrating part of this transformation was trying to find pants or jeans that fit. I must have an old fashioned body shape because the so called modern fit jeans style does not fit me. I have tried on all brands from $99 to $13.99 and they all have waistbands that hang four inches below my bellybutton, creating the dreaded muffin top, and show more crack than a sidewalk. Is it too much to ask for a pair of pants that camouflage unwanted curves and cover that junk in my trunk?
This past summer I triumphed over my lack of love for myself by losing a total ten pounds and reassessing my life. I thought about what was important to me before my physical metamorphosis and what has become important to me since. Certainly family and friends top the list. Most importantly, I rediscovered that I am a creation of God. Psalm 139:14 says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” I believe my soul is eternal even after this body, whatever shape it is, dies. It is how I live my life, not my looks that make me who I am. Previously I relied on my looks to open doors for me, literally and figuratively. When I look back to that time in my life, I sheepishly realize how shallow and self-centered I was. Now instead of hoping someone will hold doors open for me, I am quick and glad to open doors for those who need it. The more I do for others with a glad heart, the better I feel. Learning that key lesson has been a true blessing in my life.
So, you may be wondering if I ever found pants that fit. Yes, I did! The “at waist” fit pant is a very rare find in clothing stores but I did find one affordable store that carries them. It’s ironic that fashionistas sourly refer to this style as “mom pants” but rather than take offense to that labeling, I wear them with pride.
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